Is This The End?

Not a very cheery title, I admit. And I don't want to be a bummer, for sure. But there's something lately that I can't shake; a feeling that maybe this is the beginning of the end. I don't really know where this comes from. I'm generally a pretty upbeat sort of person, and I can't say I feel depressed or anything, but this shutdown of such a large part of life has me missing certain aspects of it less by the day. As in playing in bands, certainly.

The Hickoids are going to do one of these livestream things on Friday, May 15th, and it should be fun, but I'm having a hard time getting revved up for it. And I cannot pinpoint the reason. I've been practicing regularly since this all hit, playing mostly every day, working on technique as well as soloing and whatnot....sometimes just free-forming it with other recordings. It's always a good time...and good exercise, for certain. But the idea of playing with my bandmates again is waning by the day. Maybe this livestream will change all that. I hope so. Right now, Smitty has asked everyone how we feel about rehearsing once before the livestream, and I haven't answered yet. Mainly because I don't have an answer. Not everyone has answered the thread, though, so maybe if everyone chips in with a "yes," I'll go along with it. I feel fine about my own memory and prospective performance if we do it without rehearsal, but I suspect there are members of the band who won't have practiced at all on their own. I guess there's a part of me that gets a little peeved by that; my time can be ours, certainly, but not because you're lazy. Smitty might need to go full blower with his voice, though, and that I get.

But somehow, this move towards isolating just feels like the beginning of some end. And I'm not entirely uncomfortable with it, as weird and negative as that might sound. Michelle and I have a definite routine we're in now, which is okay. I cook five nights a week (thank you, HelloFresh!), and Friday we do a date night take out, followed by something on Sunday. I still have not set foot in a grocery store since this began, groceries being procured via HEB Curbside and Wal-Mart, depending on who's got a slot open in the calendar. I did have to go to Home Depot last week, due to a shipped lawn mower having an injury upon arrival. Had to return that and get another. But that's been it. Just a couple of convenience stores, and as previously mentioned, restaurants for to-go food. The funny thing is we're probably eating better than before this started.

I remember that Simpsons episode where the statue of Jimmy Carter is unveiled, with the epigraph "Malaise Forever" in full view. Malaise Forever is how I feel right now. Hope that changes soon.